My Mom & I
A Mother's Day story 🌸
When I think about where my love for food began, it ultimately all traces back to my mom. She always told me, “Gong gong and po po taught me one thing, and that is: in life, you work hard. But after you work hard, you eat well.” And she really did feed us well. Every meal she put on our dinner table was made from scratch. Her soups were often left to simmer on the stove the entire day with goodies from the medicinal hall, like dried fa gao (fish maw) and dried wai san (mountain yam). A fresh fillet of cod steamed simply with soy sauce. Blanched kailan with oyster sauce and crispy shallots, so meaty and naturally sweet. A saucer of light soy with red chili for us to dip the spent pork ribs in her soup - nothing went to waste.
When I was growing up, you could never find artificial ingredients in her kitchen - no chicken powder, no frozen packet sauce - and while we did have the odd packet of frozen mantou or Sara Lee pound cake in our freezer, she fed us primarily good, honest fare.
It is often said that the Cantonese pride themselves on being food connoisseurs, and in having the most refined palates. And my mom, in true Cantonese fashion, was the proudest not of her children’s academic achievements, but in how we were shaping up to be foodies after her own heart. It was not uncommon for me to hear her regaling friends with the story of how my brother took his first steps chasing after her and my dad for more durian. When my offal-hating mother-in-law expressed disgust at my love for the “dirty” bits, my mom said with a big smile, her chest puffed with pride, “I introduced her to it!”
When it comes to food, my mom is as traditional as can be. In my first year of living in Australia, she visited us with my brother and we took them out to Cumulus, my favourite restaurant in Melbourne. My mother picked at her plate before suggesting that we went to the supermarket to get ingredients for supper at home.
On the contrary, she is completely at home at Chinese restaurants and eateries. When the dishes arrive, she would dissect them verbally - “I think the chef changed, this tastes different”, “Too sweet, don’t you think?”, “Mmm overcooked, spoil the meat.” When I started taking cooking seriously, what she calls well-intentioned feedback extended to the food that I cooked for her - which sometimes culminates in the feeling that nothing I cook is ever good enough. To this date, I don’t think there’s ever been a dish I’ve cooked for her that she’s said nothing other than “Good.”
Thinking about it, my mom and I can’t be more different. She’s intensely private, loves putting up a strong stoic front, and everything she does involves reading between the lines (nothing is said directly). I wear my heart on my sleeve, have no qualms about being vulnerable, and am the kind of person who craves honesty and transparency.
Over the years we’ve had so many fiery arguments, lots of tears - really not the best mother-daughter relationship - but I’m glad that in recent years, our shared love for food and cooking is the one thing that bonds us. When doing work for Singapore Noodles, I sometimes ask her about a dish or she would tell me about a kitchen tip, and I would go, “I never knew that!” and an oh-so-Cantonese smirk of pride would creep across her face. “You try and see lah!”
For dinner tonight, I ordered her a Mother’s Day meal of Soup Restaurant’s samsui chicken and uncle lapan fish - food that we loved and would enjoy as a family when I was younger. We would literally have those two dishes on a monthly/ bimonthly basis - if you’ve not tasted uncle lapan fish, do try - it has a fatty layer under the skin that is just so good with the soy dressing and rice. Over our Zoom call, she would never bring herself to admit it, but from the way she was digging in, I could tell that, to her, it was better than anything else I could have ordered.
Happy Mother’s day to all! 🌸
On Singapore Noodles:
1. My mom and I did an IG live cookalong to kick off the #auntiecookalong series last year during lockdown - she taught me how to make her honey chicken, a confinement dish. You can watch it here!
2. Made laut pindang, recipe courtesy of Purnima Balraju from the Chetti community.
3. I share a chat on the podcast with Khee Shi Hui about the ways we can reconcile our Singaporean identity / heritage with a desire to do better for the environment.
4. If you are keen to find out more about our wet markets and their relevance, my Mandarin talk in collaboration with Zaobao and NLB is up! (So sorry there aren’t any English subs or translations!) This was one of the scariest things that I’ve done this year, and I felt panic creeping up on me halfway through the presentation, but I am relieved that I managed to keep it under control, and proud of myself for showing up! 💪🏻
SEASONINGS, a quarterly food publication made with HAFI
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